Getting the male perspective: Social media and relationships

Getting the male perspective: Social media and relationships

(USA-Today)

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder, etc. etc. etc….the list could go on and on. Social media is both a blessing and a curse in this day and age. While it can help us keep in contact with others and get instant updates on events, social media can have an interesting effect on relationships. (i.e. Should I check his favorites or not? And who’s this girl who’s always “favoriting” his tweets?)

For most college students, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are popular social media outlets used to express oneself and meet others. But are these innovative, new apps a blessing or a curse when it comes to relationships?

To really grasp how social media and relationships are intertwined, here are responses from a select group of men (a.k.a. my friends) who chose to provide their thoughts on how they think social media can effect romance.

1. WOULD YOU SNOOP ON YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER’S FACEBOOK/TWITTER ACCOUNT? (I.E. THEIR MESSAGES, FAVORITES, DM’S, ETC.)
Lakeem Wilson, senior at University of Texas Austin: Me personally, no. I would trust my significant other enough to where I wouldn’t feel the urge to have to check her personal DM’s or Twitter messages, etc. If she gave me suspicion or a reason to feel like I need to check messages, I would rather ask her about my concerns ahead of time, instead of invading her privacy. I would trust her enough to be honest about her conversation with other people.

Stephen Owens, junior at UT Austin: Well, first and foremost, I think whenever you’re in a relationship, the primary component of the relationship has to be trust and communication. In my opinion if you don’t have trust in a relationship you don’t have much of anything to begin with.

I wouldn’t go through my girlfriend’s DM’s or favorites etc. because I would trust her enough to be honest with not only herself, but with me if something was going on, or could potentially going on with another individual. There’s no need to go snooping, because if the elements of trust and communication are there, you should have nothing to worry about.

Frank Garza, sophomore at UT Austin: Probably, I feel like I would check out their account to see any tweets I may have missed and see what they favorite. But I wouldn’t ask for a password to see any messages or anything else that requires a password.

Antony Velasquez, sophomore at UT Austin: Since I don’t use my Facebook much, I don’t know, but I feel like I might every once and a while if I have significant evidence something weird is going down.

Adam Williams, sophomore at UT Austin: No I would no snoop on my significant other’s social media information as I would trust them not to be doing something they shouldn’t be doing.

2. WHAT ARE SOME RED FLAGS WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER’S SOCIAL MEDIA?
Wilson: A red flag would be if I constantly saw her engaged in conversation with other guys or if I recognize her deleting certain messages to hide a past conversation.

Owens: I wouldn’t say that I would have any particular definitions of a “red flag” I mean I guess an eyebrow raiser would be if your significant other was constantly talking a particular person of the opposite sex in a very flirtatious manner (using certain emoji’s or innuendos). Other than that I would personally say that there aren’t any other red flags that could potentially exist in my own personal lens.

Garza: A red flag would be talking to someone too much or saying things that you wouldn’t say to ‘just a friend’. Another red flag is if my significant other is closing Facebook or Twitter or hiding the screen of their phone every time I come around.

Williams: Some red flags would be mentioning other guys a lot on Twitter. Commenting on their tweets even though what they’re putting has nothing to do with them. Also direct messaging other guys would be a no-no.

3. HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE SOMEONE BEING “LOYAL” VIA SOCIAL MEDIA?
Wilson: Being loyal isn’t a huge factor in the production of being in a relationship, in my opinion. I don’t have to be a girl’s “Man Crush Monday” all the time and she doesn’t have to feature me in her bio to show her loyalty towards me. I don’t feel like social media plays a big role in relationships and what it means to be loyal in a relationship. Social media is just extra outlet for their own personal use.

Owens: I would define someone being loyal when it comes to social media by simply not talking to a person that your significant other says he or she doesn’t want you talking to. Obviously if they don’t want you talking to a particular person then there might be cause for concern on that person’s end.

Maybe they think you are talking to them excessively and it would have to stop. However, everyone’s perception of loyalty differs greatly. Some might argue that “it’s social media, how do you expect to be “loyal” on social media there’s no such thing.” I however, believe that if certain boundaries are set by you and your partner, then those boundaries shouldn’t be crossed, and it shows respect not only to your significant other, but it shows respect to your relationship as a whole.

Garza: I think as long as someone knows boundaries, it’s easy to be loyal on Twitter. If a girl is constantly responding to my tweets or commenting on my Facebook, I know to not always respond since it may look like flirting (and may even be annoying). I simply ‘favorite’ or ‘like’ the response or comment and move on. I know girls get annoyed with that stuff and it hasn’t ever been a problem for me but I don’t see why it couldn’t be.

Williams: I would define them as being loyal on social media if they didn’t always talk to other guys and didn’t post things they know I wouldn’t want them posting.

4. DIRECT MESSAGING ON TWITTER — DO YOU DO IT? IS IT CONSIDERED CHEATING IF YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER DOES IT?
Owens: I personally don’t direct message anyone on any form of social media. I don’t believe that direct messaging someone is instantaneously classified as cheating. It totally depends on the context of the conversation. If, for example, you’re in a class with someone and you don’t have their phone number and need help with something in said class and direct messaging is your only alternative to get in contact with that person, then by all means you have to do what’s necessary. However, if you’re direct messaging someone with a good looking picture, and your goal is to simply “getting to know them better” and you’re being flirtatious then, yes that could be a possible gateway to the path of potential infidelity.

Velasquez: No, I don’t DM. I wouldn’t consider it cheating if my significant other did it.

5. DO YOU THINK SOCIAL MEDIA IS DETRIMENTAL OR BENEFICIAL TO RELATIONSHIPS?
Wilson: I think it could go both ways. I think it could be beneficial in the sense that you can show-off your significant other and show your dedication to them via social media. But it could be detrimental if she’s a popular person. Jealousy issues could arise if we see each other talking to someone else. I think my significant other could take me being social as a form of flirting. I wouldn’t want her to, but there’s a possibility that could happen.

Owens: I honestly believe it depends on the self-discipline of the individual. If the person is on social media to just cast their thoughts, opinions, or ideas, while meeting some friends along the way then I see absolutely no harm in that whatsoever. However, if that person is in a relationship and constantly talking to a variety of different people of the opposite sex, then that can be cause for concern, especially if you don’t have a solid foundation of trust, communication and honesty. However, initially no I don’t see it being detrimental for the relationship, if the intentions on having social media is pure.

Garza: Both. Social media is beneficial for many reasons. The couple can post stuff together and share in that happiness. They can talk via social media if one or the other’s phone isn’t working. They can also see what’s going on with the other person if one or the other’s phone isn’t working. If it’s a long distance relationship, they can keep up that way too.

It can be detrimental as well. If one or the other is doing something that wouldn’t be right in the relationship and the other person found out that way, it wouldn’t be too great. If one person is talking to someone too much, it can cause suspicion or jealousy. I think social media just causes people to make too many assumptions and if the communication isn’t there then it can be especially detrimental.

Velasquez: Detrimental, because it can blow things out of proportion and cause jealousy.

Williams: I think that that social media is beneficial because it makes things harder to hide. For instance, if you were going to cheat and anyone was around, they could post it on social media. Social media kind of acts as big brother and keeps people from doing things they might otherwise do if they did not have as good as of a chance to be caught.

6. LET’S TALK ABOUT SUB-TWEETING (I.E. POSTING A TWEET SOMEONE WITHOUT TAGGING THEM IN THE TWEET): WOULD YOU SUB-TWEET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER OR DIRECTLY ADDRESS THE PROBLEM IN PERSON?
Owens: Sub tweeting is a very interesting topic because it sometimes get blown out of context due to the perception of the other person. Sometimes simple things as posting lyrics to a song, or quotes by various individuals can get blown out of proportion and get viewed as, “subtweeting.” I think it might be a form of guilt that might take place in the other person’s mind, because there could be a possibility that that person is not doing what they’re supposed to do to better the relationship in a particular way, and they see something from their significant other that kind of fits the bill of what’s happening in their relationship and they might automatically assume they’re being subtweeted.

Posting things of that nature could be very innocent on the tweeters end of things, but like I said before the elements of guilt, perception or a combination of both could be variables in the equation in the mind of the person who is being subtweeted. Personally speaking I’m all about face-to-face communication because I believe that you don’t dependently rely on phone calls and texts to communicate with your partner. You spend time communicating face-to-face, especially major issues that are happening in your own personal relationship. I fervently believe that spending time communicating face-to-face will immensely strengthen your relationship and build a greater sense of security within the relationship. So I wouldn’t subtweet my significant other, I’d try to coordinate a meeting with her and get things straightened out.

Garza: No, I wouldn’t ever want to subtweet about my relationship. I can’t stand it when people use twitter as a diary…it’s just so depressing. I use my twitter to achieve one goal: make people laugh. If I have an issue, I’m going to text or call or wait till we’re in person.

Velasquez: Sub-Tweeting is fake and anyone who does it is fake. The person just needs to grow a pair and mention the person, otherwise it is basically virtually talking behind someone’s back.

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